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DUBOSE FORREST change my life in the four years I knew her-for the better, of course. It’s easy to get set in your ways but Dubose never let that happen-for her or for me. Having a lot of the same interests, Dubose knew when, where and what FUN was happening and, along with Chris, invited me to join them on countless new  adventures I’d been missing in my life. Whether it be sing- alongs at her house, attending special events or simply walking the ‘reZ’ with her wonderful dogs, celebrating birthdays In special meaningful ways, getting into dance or just breaking bread and having long , interesting conversations that had been missing in my life, duBose opened new doors   .   It’s called ‘Living Life to the fullest.’

It’s so easy to put things off for tomorrow or forever but with Dubose you wanted to join in cuz you knew it was going to be at least interesting and it was so easy to be around Dubose, and Chris. And  She didn’t procrastinate. Many times I’d get a call a couple hours before an event and , unlike my past life, this time I would not  procrastinate. One example is that I hadn’t been to Ashkenaz   in Berkeley for years.   I would find out that was one of Dubose’s favorite  1    places to dance 1  and hear music including her favorite local performer , Tom Rigney.   Along with Chris, we’d make our way out there on numerous occasions and have a lot of fun.  And I would later find out that Chris was instrumental in starting Ashkenaz with the original owner some 50 years ago and he was honored recently . That’s another story in itself.

And then DUBOSE introduced me to Rossmoor which I call  an ‘adult playground’ with varied activities of which I’m still taking part today, all thanks to Dubose. I’ve even got a new condo overlooking the 18th green or one of the greens at Rossmoor after having had the serendipitous good fortune of sub-renting Dubose’ place high in the hills of Rossmoor after renting out my old office condo in Pleasant Hill to a friend in need. Dubose’ renter fell thru and after mentioning to her my plight she sad she had the perfect solution to both of our needs. It was perfect timing and yet the setting for another adventure with a place we could have sing alongs and dancing around my jukebox, which came to life again after lying dormant   for years at my previous office condo

Dubose, still living in her Lafayette home of 35 years, first had the idea of getting a place in Rossmoor largely so                    `            2

  she could take advantage of the many dance events and activities available in this adult playland. She loved her daily swims there, dance opportunities, singalongs, hiking club and much more.. Rossmoor was a place I had stayed away from all my life because  that was where   old people lived but Dubose quickly changed my misconception of the place. After all, I’m a senior now and have a better chance of meeting like-minded folks there than in Lafayette. Thanks to Dubose, I am just learning of the many opportunities  living at Rossmoor in a new condo.   I feel like Dubose is with me everyday guiding my way and sharing the experiences if not in person in the heart.

 Kindred spirits like Dubose are rare to find and sometimes never come along in a lifetime.  We both agreed that we were now living out as adults the childhoods we never really had, for different reasons.  I will always cherish the  short and sweet friendship I had Dubose. i will always treasure the times we had that will never happen again.. There will never be another Dubose In my life but there are the many things she has given me including introducing me to new friends like Jackie and Frank and Chris with whom I continue to do   things I did with Dubose. and Dubose somehow always seems to be with us . I have people now I can talk to with3 Dubose in mind and share memories of Dubose. It really helps.                                                                                                 

Yes, it seems unfair, very unfair, that Dubose didn’t get to finish her dream life including living in Rossmoor full time and spending time with her new grandchild and more time with her other grandchildren, having more sing-alongs and more dance competitions and just savoring more days as she always did- living life to the fullest.

That’s one thing about Dubose. At least in the later years that I knew her she packed in a lot of life. And I was lucky enough to share a part of that with her.

Among Duboses’ many qualities I would say  her kindness, generosity, honesty and down to earth ways were especially endearing. I can’t imagine seeing Dubose ever mad. If she ever was  I’m sure she got over it quickly as it was not in her character.

Living in Lafayette over 25 years, myself, for the first time I had a friend ,locally,  who I felt like I could count on in a pinch. I remember when I had to put down one  my special4  cat , Zack, a few years back. I couldn’t find any of my old friends to accompany me to the vet for this difficult  

last goodbye, but Dubose was right there when I needed  most . And that’s just one of many examples of a special friendship I had with Dubose , along with Chris.    I certainly didn’t mean to leave Chris out of the story as he was very much a part of our time together but this is about Dubose today and I’m lucky to still have Chris as a friend, who has a lot of the same qualities as Dubose and who we can share memories and still     do  the same things we did with Dubose. Ditto with Jackie and Frank.

  And it definitely helps ease the pain of loss of Dubose to know that she’s still with us, in a   sense, via her friends and spirit .

Thank you for    letting me share my thoughts about my exceptional friend , Dubose. In closing , Dubose could sometimes be on the shy, quiet side, not wanting to dominate an occasion, TO which I related . So if you never really got to know her it’s  understandable, YET unfortunate . But please know that she was every bit and more the person to whom I tried to pay tribute  today. We love you and miss you Dubose …Sorry if I’m going on a bit long but I want to 5

 express  at least some of my many thoughts in of Dubose, such as      

HOW I MET DUBOSE AND CHRIS

In our world today old-fashioned values and neighborly ways seem to be in short supply.

I’ve lived in Lafayette for over 25 years. It’s a nice town but one where sidewalks aren’t necessary because mostly affluent people often are hidden behind high gates. You rarely see kids outside playing games or their parents coming over to share recipes,  food or have friendly exchanges with their neighbors like I remember growing up in old Oakland.  

After 25 years living in Lafayette with little to show on the social side, I decided if they weren’t going to reach out I was going to try  harder to reach them , perhaps finding somebody to share my music passion. So I started a meetup group to sing and play the good old music i grew up with.

Not a lot of response to my first and following backyard meetups though two people stood out. Those would be   Dubose and Chris, who I remember clear as day lugging in a heavy keyboard from their car  to my backyard Tiki garden, as I call it. And we became fast friends. We liked the same6 music , had  similar temperament and enjoyed each other’s    company.                                                                     

From our get-togethers or ‘sing-alongs’ as we called them, Dubose was inspired to startup her old sing-alongs at her house with sometimes over 30 people that she had done previously for 10 years but stopped    . So those monthly sessions  went on for awhile  f  months but then she decided it was too much work and easier and more enjoyable  just having our own small group sing-alongs  . And we continued these off and on, even in bad health . I had my own  TRIGGER finger issue for over a year as did Dubose but we were still   able to at least sing, if not  play instruments. And, of course there were the concerts, dances, dining, movies and more fun activities

The one thing I regret is that I never really took up Dubose ‘ offer to accompany them to dances, especially Merry   Mixers. I felt they were so advanced for me, though I did go to a few   events such as at Ashkenaz where I did make an effort to join in the dance.

I am happy to say that I am now taking dance lessons following Duboses’ inspiration and I’m finding out why she so much loved her dancing. It’s  not only   a great social outlet7  but excellent exercise and you get to hear some really good music at the same time                                 

It really hit me how very special a person Dubose was   after we lost her.  I knew how much she meant to me And how having her as a friend  sort of recharged my life these last few years.

But when the almost daily interesting   messages and phone calls stopped there was      nothing  to replace them and the person behind those messages .  Dubose  was special, in her kindness, giving , spirit, honesty,   common sense and dynamism. We’re lucky if we meet one person in a lifetime like  a Dubose. So I will hang on to the many memories and what I learned through her that are now a part of me and MY  life.

I do have to Tell a little anecdote that could only happen with Dubose. A few days after she passed I was really feeling bad, of course, missing her along with her  text communication which she kept up until her very last day.8  

Dubose was able to summon up enough energy and desire to mostly text and even make a few calls. Then there was silence.

As I was missing her loyal frequent texts , about three days after she left us I received this text message from Dubose and I said to myself ‘how could this be.’ This was too unreal and even exciting. I’m not sure I believe in messages from the grave. From the best I can figure after talking to Blake or Louise It was some unseen photos she had scheduled , perhaps ,   a final final ‘goodbye’ to send me  with a     generous  one word caption, ‘el maestro’  .                                                 

That this last text from her, which I had thought was from Louise or Blake who had Dubose phone but ,no, it was her as only Dubose would do something like this. And it made my day and week and month. But that was typical Dubose , special person that she was and is, coming up with special things and special moments to share..and

there were a lot of them.

So I miss the last minute calls, ‘hey burt, theres is a Everly Brothers cover band over at the event Center or there’s a sing-along at lamorinda village or let’s have our own sing-along tonight    …’                                   9

Or ‘lets go for dinner at this new place’ . Can you be ready in an hour. ?’

And ,of course,  I said ‘yes’  most of the time even when I wasn’t always at my best and probably would have said no to someone else.  I tried to extend some offers myself of which dubose and chris usually took me up.

By the way , Dubose is a great   baker and cook, as many of you know who were recipients of her          

 Healthy yet tasty Home- made breads and various treats .                                                                                                        

 She always had healthy yet tasty snacks for us when we would do our sing-alongs or get togethers. So there’s a lot to miss but I am lucky I got 4 full years worth of great times in   what are now cherished memories I wouldn’t have had otherwise had I not extended myself for once with my own meetup group where I met Dubose with Chris .

SEIZE THE DAY

  I believe the number one  thing I learned from Dubose is to ‘seize the day ‘ or carpe diem -do it now and don’t put off for tomorrow what you could do today . Extend yourself a bit cuz you might not be here tomorrow. No doubt that was lurking in the back of Dubose’ mind these last years and 10 fortunately  she was able to pack in a lot  into a shortened life . And I was so fortunate to be part of it. And a lot of that will continue. I began keeping a diary about a year after I met Dubose and Chris – not only to keep a record of all the great stuff we did together, but to make sure I did at least one thing of special note every day.

If it weren’t for Dubose I wouldn’t be taking dance lessons today or playing music and singing again or extending myself beyond what I normally did. So I owe so much to Dubose and Chris and I’m thankful for them and if Dubose   hears me wherever she is I want to thank you more    

than can tell you for sharing part of your last years with me . I will never forget it and you’ll always be a big part of my life Dubose.  Love you always.           11